my life with depression.com

it’s been awhile since i’ve blogged, but you guys keep coming back so here i am again. my therapist says that i’ve grown so much in the past two years. something that i’m working on right now is knowing where my boundaries are and sticking to them. i set my boundaries when i asked frenchie to get his own apartment since he will be doing aids research and staying in san francisco this summer for 3 months. i was miserable in the thought of having him stay with me for three months. not having the choice or option of seeing him or not seeing him. i felt trapped as if i was married again. i guess i’m wanting my space - especially after being in a 10 year relationship with my EX. it’s not the same feeling that i had when i was married, but regardless …. so i set my boundary and told him that he had to get his own apartment. i guess feeling and understanding how i felt helped me to set that boundary. after i told him, i felt soooo much free-er (how would one spell that?). i thought about me first. i took care of my needs first. besides, he would be here and would need a place EVEN if we weren’t dating.

that brings me to this: i wanted to have a “talk” with him regarding our relationship and my moving to france and how that’s just not going to work for me. i’ve not been able to do that since i wanted him to focus on his ranking exam. probably the most important exam that he’ll ever take in his medical career.

but now that we are “dating” here in sf and having a “normal” dating life, it’s been hard because i am remembering why i love him and why i like him and why i like hanging out with him. we were able to come to an understanding about what was driving me NUTS about him. there’s been a distance this year that was created due to my not being able to talk to him about my true feelings and a large part of me wants to keep that distance so that it’s easier when he goes back to france.

i tried to talk with him, but he postpones it with whatever reason. my therapist asks if i need to make a decision right now… i guess i don’t, but …. i guess i’ll just watch a movie right now and not think about it as it is friday night.