not bring self-caused baggage into new relationships: trust is my issue
Friday, July 20th, 2007my therapy session centered around trust. i mentioned that since my last session, i’ve been able to finally put my arms around the word trust and what it really means. i guess for me and perhaps some others, trust was always associated with fidelity and infidelity and i guess whether your partner can be trusted to follow through on somethings that is needed to be done. or maybe perhaps can your partner keep that secret that you’ve told them. i’ve never thought about the judgement and reactions that your partner can have as being a part of trust and whether you are always afraid of their reaction to the point where you can’t get yourself to share with that person.
i brought up that fact that i don’t want that between my FRENCHIE and i. so i said that i will tell him my big secret - which it seems is big to me and not that big of a deal to everyone else who’s heard it. i wanted to wait until the end of summer when my FRENCHIE leaves. that way we’ll still have an enjoyable - carefree 3 months, but i guess the longer i wait, the worst it is and if i don’t get the support or whatever that i need and he leaves, well then, he’s not the type that i am interested in anyway. i would just waste my summer with him when i can spend it with someone else.
people who get out of relationships usually have emotional baggage. most of it is a result of the relationship. with me, i’m carrying this secret into my “new” relationship just like i did with my old one. my FRENCHIE is not my S2BX and he (my FRENCHIE) will not react the same way. i have to keep remembering that. my therapist said that it doesn’t seem that my FRENCHIE has ever given an indication that he could be so harshly judgmental. we will see. when will i talk with him though? i guess just like everything else, there is never a good time.
my therapist asked if i wanted to start fresh. i said yes. she said holding on to your secret just like you did within the marriage is not starting fresh — with my FRENCHIE and/or whoever it may be. i would just start the circle again.
more on TRUST:
1. TRUST: he can’t trust me now, but i’ve never trusted him: The marriage ender
3. not bring self-caused baggage into new relationships: trust is my issue
