my life with depression.com

so it’s been … i’d have to say two years since i was on the pill. i made the decision to stop fucking up my hormones and having to deal with remembering to take my pill every day at or about the same time. being depressed didn’t exactly make it easy for me AND as i told my S2BX … why do i need to bother with it? it’s not like i was getting any — at least not enough to go through the sh*t of going through all of that. so we went on the condom and i went on the “girl’s best friend” if there was any excess need that wasn’t handled.

i remember that day too. looking on line at adam and eve’s online store. i’ve always heard of the pearl and the rabbit. in fact, i was friends with one of the berman sisters back then. they later had a show on discovery channel on female sexuality and health. one was a urologist and the other was a psychiatrist. so JENNIFER had a friend in boston who owned a sex toy shop. that friend sent in TOYS for JENNIFER to show her patients. (she helped run a female sexual dysfunction clinic at UCLA) when they arrived, we opened up the bag and i saw a pick phallus with a rabbit and vibrating ears. AH-HA! THAT’S HOW THE RABBIT LOOKS! <<< went on a tangent >>> so remembering this, i looked for the rabbit, but instead, i bought the heavy duty jenna-jameson-red-beaver-50 million function-rotating-vibrating-pulsing-light show action-ribbing-pearl swirling- batteries not included-toy. that’s the only one that i haven’t broke since my venture into the world of adult toys. i broke the g-spot curved one. the body vibrating one. i don’t even want to bring up those old friends. I’ll just get sad.

anyway, what was normally a typical female ordeal became a female version of the male “quicky.” and since i’m female, my quicky is/was even more earth shattering. so, since then i never really depended on a male for that type of comfort; though S2BX always insisted “after you.” that was generous of him, but it was something that he later developed as he matured.

during my depression, i loaded up on extra batteries. i hating running all over the house looking for some or having to resort to the remote control batteries. (i’m not the only one who has experienced this. i’ve spoken with one of my friends up here in SF who has also shared in that pain of fishing for batteries from remote controls) what’s sucks about this is that you have to put them all back afterwards!

so why have i been on this long a$$ tangent? because i am back on hormones. i’m not back on the pill. i’m using the ring. it’s all self applicated. you don’t have to remember everyday and you get less mood swings since the release of hormones is more steady than taking the pill. it’s a clear ring that you just slip in. no need to worry about it going into your uterus because that entrance is way too small. i don’t feel it right now and today’s my first day. your partner is not suppose to feel it too. i’ll write back and update that to confirm. this isn’t an add. it’s kinda cool. yes, i am messing with my hormones, but i am also having uh-um … you know … yes. that. like everyday if not twice a day. yesterday was 3. all in between an afternoon at 4th street in berkeley and painting shopping and dinner reservations at roy’s (the roy’s from hawaii)

also, after having a friend call me crying that she is pregnant (has two kids- 6 and 4 — she’s fine now and we were looking for girl and boy name) AND after finding out my other friend is 5 months prego with her second daughter, ALL ON THE SAME DAY, you bet i was shaken.

called up my friend and got a prescription right away. i don’t want little have frenchies walking around my loft just yet. my maternal side —- which AFTER ALL THIS TIME — is finally kicking and my need to nurture would finally be fulfilled, but alas, life is funny and life isn’t ready to have such a thing. though my aunt says one is never ready and there’s always reason not to have the baby. i would love for frenchie to “donate.” he’s cute and most importantly smart and intelligent. but he’s not an option.

i’ve typed enough. i just got at&t’s u-verse service and i’m going to enjoy it right now.