my life with depression.com

yup. truely hard to keep up with the blog. i’ve been out a lot. so S2BX came by to drop off the government bonds that i purchased through work. he asked if that should be split, but i reminded him that our retirement investments are not divided — except for my stocks — damn - f*ck - f*ck — and i purchased the bonds for retirement.

he called me up out of the blue because it turns out that he’s in his oakland office today. the first thing that i did was hide any evidence of my FRENCHIE. i really don’t need to have an argument or any feelings that may cause this divorce even more pain. S2BX stayed for about 5 minutes and we talked about nothing. then he left.

its funny. when my two friends were up here in SF and S2BX called me on the phone, they asked … so, do we like him or not. i told them that they still like him so they said a quick hi and long time no see. breaking up is hard for not only the couple but also for the friends and family involved. S2BX has been part of the family for exactly 10 years! how do you just stop that? well, i guess by not coming to the family functions like before. it’s already happened and it’s going to keep happening. the last big family gathering during christmas, i had to tell my niece and nephew that their uncle had to work as the reason for his absence.

S2BX sat next to me with the laundry basket between us. i looked at him, but i couldn’t look at him for very long. well, it’s not that i couldn’t look at him and it wasn’t that i was uncomfortable - because i wasn’t - it’s just we were getting along as i updated him on the two friends that are pregnant. i was telling him about where NICKIE likes to sleep on my new rug and how. you know just some small updates. i didn’t feel anything. i just felt neutral. i think that’s good. i was smiling as i was telling him the prego stories and how my friend MINNNIE wanted to name her daughter ELLA. that’s MY daughter’s name! — well, when i get one at least.

what am i feeling right now? …… nothing.

well, i am a bit overwhelmed by the thought of the build up of the space that i intend on leasing. i gut feeling is that it’s going to cost more than $50K. YIKES!