my life with depression.com

[START: at the beginning of this story]
memory experiment. i’m giving my brain to science



ok. i’m back from Berkeley. it’s about 4:30. OH. MY. GOSH! i. am. never. going. to. do. THAT. again!

first, i was on the wrong road. then i don’t see the street that i’m suppose to turn on. but luckily i found a parking spot - at a one hour spot. great. but oh well. i’ll just use the money that i get to pay for the parking ticket - IF i get one. so the guy found me. he was so cute and smiley and excited in his princeton university sweatshirt …. so no worries that we were running 15 minutes late. said it didn’t matter. i guess the 1:30 cancelled. we get to the trailer building and he’s explaining to me about the artist who designed the outside of the trailer and how it’s reflective of the magnet. OH! i get it! ha ha ha … that’s cool!

MAGNET??? !!!! ??? WHAT magnet???

AS IN MRI???

oh. i didn’t know we were doing an mri… i thought that one was the one that i decided not to do…. unless my memory isn’t serving me right. what a ko-inky-dink! i filled out all the paperwork … he explained what i was to do and what i would see. i had a vitamin E pill taped on my forehead so they would know the left or right side. they taped the squeeze thing to my arm - to contact with them… and they wedged my head into the head thing so that i didn’t move. i think he said that i could only move my head 3mm?? so i didn’t move. he made we watch this boring video of ducks that made me feel sleepy…. i thought … this isn’t soo bad. this is kinda cool! i just don’t like the fact that you have to look up at a mirror to see the images. but that was okay. of the 2 hours, i only had 20 more minutes to go! oooh and the images were going faster and i was concentrating more. i felt warm earlier, but i was able to calm myself down and not feel dizzy. actually, i got rid of the feeling. ….

only a few more sets to go! and i’m thinking … gosh, he hasn’t given me a break! ah well … i started realizing my memory sucked by this time. then. i felt that warmth come over my body AGAIN. around this time, the feeling wasn’t going away. i felt really warm! the guy asked me how i was feeling so i told him and i said … maybe we can pull me out for some air … he asked if we could still continue and i said yes.

i closed my eyes as he’s pulling me out.

i cover my mouth ’cause i gagged! I SWEAR TO GOD I SWALLOWED MY OWN THROW UP TWICE! he told me to come up and i told him wait … as i was getting up … I COULDN’T HOLD IT DOWN! i upchucked AGAIN! i felt it run down my sides … i tried catching it with my hands, but nope! i used their blanket to wipe my face … luckily, i didn’t get it all over the machine… but it WAS all over my BACK and the TIPS OF MY HAIR and MY NECK!!! just the smell made me want to gag again!

i went to the ladies restroom to wash up. thank goodness i brought a sweater with me, because i had to throw away my shirt. i had to explain to every female who came in for the restroom that i was not an exhibitionist and there was a reason for my not having a shirt on….

i didn’t finish the study.

that kinda sucks ’cause i’d lasted a long time. but on the bright side, i got to socialize [my therapist will be happy] i got a free pregnancy test and i got to see a picture/image of my brain!


prior to getting into the mri machine, i told the guy that he didn’t have to pay me - especially if they were on a budget. well, i don’t know now if they are still going to pay me since i didn’t finish and they can’t use my data, but this experience has cost me $30 parking ticket + $24 white jcrew feather weight t-shirt. THAT’S $54 dollars!

i loved helping those students, especially since i was the first and only one to show up since when they started last week.

i think i need a massage AND A SHOWER!



oh yeah, i guess in the other guy’s experience, i’m the only one who has thrown up - and he said he’s done lots of scans. at least i didn’t pee in there like someone else did! … i’ll try to get a picture of my brian from mr. princeton sweat shirt … oh yeah! aaron.

[update: i felt bad the whole day. well, kinda like my head was in the clouds. i think the whole incident was due in part by the lack of ventilation in the room and perhaps my not having time to eat lunch. who knows….]