why is change so hard
Thursday, March 1st, 2007
“this is the first birthday that we are not spending together in about 9 years.”
– a quote from this post.
i bring this up because i was crying to my FRENCHIE:
about change and how difficult some of these changes and losses have been for me. he understood and said that change and letting go is inevitable and that is why we should just enjoy things now and that if you have to ‘let go’ of something, you are not really ‘letting’ it go because there are still the happy memories that you have. it’s just a change in the situation.
my life recently has tested my strength and ability to adapt to situations and to change with times. i think i’ve been through all the reasons why i didn’t want to change or why i had such a hard time with it.
i was reading this post on someone else’s blog.
he lists five reasons why letting go is so hard. it’s funny because i think [in regards to my divorce] i went through ALL of the five reasons. i swear i can find a previous post for each list item.
here is my attempt:
1. transition to the unknown
being in your comfort zone doesn’t require additional risks. it’s safe.
2. fear of the unknown
“Uncertainty of the future. “How will I manage without him/her ?”, “Will I be able to learn the new skills need for the new job?” Basically, fear of change and the adjustments that follow.
3. playing the victim - “why me!”
in relationships, one only gets strength when we accept our contributions to the relationship and when we stop playing the victim. i’ve defined this a long time ago, but still find that it’s hard to stop playing the victim and that it takes constant work.
4. wait and see
will he get better? will he now be different? etc. do leopards change their spots? making decisions and sticking to it can be hard when one doesn’t know what lays ahead in the future, so hanging out in the present and dragging it is a lot safer. not taking risks is also safer.
5. guilt
he’s hurting and i need to take care of him. i can’t do this to him. we had plans. i’m ruining those plans for me and HIM
