my life with depression.com

this morning was sooooooo hard. i just wanted to stay in bed and stay under the covers. i really tried hard to get up. i mentally willed myself and did positive coaching. is it possible to do positive coaching to one’s self? …. you know, i guess so. my friend who used to coach diving noted that i was positive coaching myself while we were playing golf. so, i guess you can. anyways my biggest desire this morning aside from staying in bed was trying to transfer my old blog over to this one. so this morning, i forced myself to do some of my to-do-list items. boy i was dying. i’m still not done with some of the things that i can do without having to drive someplace. i caved and decided to post the email that i sent my sister. [that was a to-do] okay. i have to make shuttle reservations….

i paid bills this morning, so obviously money has been on my mind. my therapist says that i shouldn’t have to worry since at least 1/2 of STBX’s income is mine. but then again, i don’t want that money and i want to try to do this on my own. i’m still deciding whether i can or should file taxes on mine own. she says that it’s not a matter of ‘his giving me his money’ as it is also mine. do i have a complex about that? i asked a friend and he said that if he were me, he would ask for it. but if i were to do that, then we would have to tackle the problem of the stocks that i owned prior to the marriage. he has some of the money and we’ve reserved 15% of it for long term capital gains taxes. yippy for bush for lowering that down. i think that it affects people more around my [what used 2b my tax bracket] bracket. than those who are making half a mil or more - you know? i could be wrong though. i guess i will have to tackle the stocks after i come back from paris anyway. i’m excited to see steph, but am i also excited to get away from my life too?

sister,

it’s been a year since i’ve lent you $5,000. last spring when you started your manager position again, you said that you would start to make payments on it. i have yet to receive any payments.

unfortunately, my finances have changed dramatically. i am now in need of the full amount. i need to have that money by the end of february 2007. please don’t take this matter lightly as i did not take your need for the $5,000 lightly when you needed it.

i’m glad that you were not hurt during your car accident. i’m really sorry that our relationship is strained and i hope that things will heal in the future.

although i am isolating myself by choice for survival, i will be here in the event you have great emotional need and you find yourself alone. besides, i will always be your sister.

m.

[note: i said ‘emotional need’ because i have learned NEVER EVER to mix money with friends or family. forget being generous. there’s always the bank and in the long term would you want to risk losing or straining a close relationship for just money?]

FOR MORE select the following:
new years 2007
a wish for peace in the new year
filipino in the hiz e house
how women pick mates vs flings
the center of the family. the nucleus
under a rock
no more
done
emergency session
i hate crying
thank god for moms
relationship with friends who are family
some motivation finally
the my future
comedy relief
freaky weather
bills ‘n bills ‘n bills
motivation
decisions