the center of the family. the nucleus.
Saturday, January 6th, 2007
i had an emergency session with my therapist this morning at 9:30am. emergency in that it’s not on our usual thursdays. the reason for this is because i wanted more than an hour this past thurs, but she didn’t have space in her schedule.
i had alot to talk to her about. after my last session, she said that she didn’t know how i could even think about speaking another language with the emotionally draining two weeks that i just had, plus driving in the rain all day for 7 hours. she was right and though i was forcing myself to go to my french talking group, it was more out of obligation. i called to cancel.
i told her about S2BX’s acceptance of his role in the breakdown of our relationship. she asked me how i felt. so i guess i felt somewhat relieved, like this big weight was lifted of my shoulder (and that weight i think is for the fact that i am the one leaving), i don’t have the guilt in being way more ‘generous’ with him than i’ve been. the relationship is still important to me as i grew up with him and i think that i can now say that there is no love lost between the two of us… it’s just … it didn’t work out.
today’s session dealt more with my family. it seems that i’ve made myself the nucleus of the family. being the initiator for my brother and sister to talk, to hang out, making sure that they are there for family stuff so the parents will be happy. i was the liaison between my mom and my brother … i didn’t want to be a failure and put more stress on my mom and dad as they already have my brother and sister to deal with … etc. and now that i’ve stopped trying to make my brother appreciate my parents and the family more and interacting and supporting my sister, the family is broken. i guess being the liaison between my parents and my brother and sister has really hurt me. i’m set up to fail. it’s either my brother or sister will be mad at me or my parents will be disappointed in me … but i wonder … will they?
….. if my brother doesn’t care about the family or makes an effort … will they care? i guess maybe i was trying for the impossible. after all, my parents just kinda adapted to my brother and not to say gave up on him, but accepted that they can’t ask more from him because he just doesn’t give a shit. that’s just him. i tried to make him give a shit because i didn’t want him to have any regrets later in life … like if the parents ever were to ‘part’ and stuff. but i guess that’s going to have to be a consequence that he’s going to have to live with or maybe i’m giving too much credit and maybe he won’t give a shit or miss anything anyway.
FOR MORE select the following:
new years 2007
a wish for peace in the new year
filipino in the hiz e house
how women pick mates vs flings
the center of the family. the nucleus
under a rock
no more
done
emergency session
i hate crying
thank god for moms
relationship with friends who are family
some motivation finally
the my future
comedy relief
freaky weather
bills ‘n bills ‘n bills
motivation
decisions
